All Your Hate

                                                  

I follow my mom and my younger brother into the house as night falls outside. Our home was cold since the fire had gone out. I looked over at mom as a she led us down the hall. She looked a little nervous, out of it even, as she tried to keep her face straight forward and stopped in the center of the hall. It was only then that I could see the other emotions on her face; sadness and determination. With a lingering kiss on each of our foreheads, there was a flash of silver and a stabbing pain in the stomach…

I woke with a start in my bed, covered in sweat and tears on my cheeks. I wiped them quickly before sitting up and composing myself. I hated that dream. Or should I say nightmare? Yes. That’s a better description for it in my current condition. Every night for the past fifteen years, I have been having this re-occurring nightmare about what my mom did. My dad told me that she had attempted to kill my little brother and I in order to hurt him for something he had done and then fled the house before being caught not too far away in a getaway car she had  waiting for her . Dad had said that my little brother had died right there at the house before the police and the ambulance came. He thought I was dead too if it wasn’t for the fact that he saw that my chest was moving although just barely. I was rushed into surgery around the same time that my mom was being interrogated by the police for why she had did what she had done. He told me after I had woken up that the police and judge deemed her unfit to stand trial and sent her far away to some insane asylum hoping she got the help they claimed she so desperately needed.

After about a month in the hospital, the doctors released me and my dad and I packed up our things and left our past behind. We wanted to start off fresh and begin a new life. Dad took some precautions in case the worst thing possible happened like say in my mom were say set free or escaped.  So in case that DID happen and she was to look for us, my dad had our names changed.  My new name is Andrew Dennis Biersack and my dad’s new name is Chris Biersack. We moved to Cincinnati, Ohio and I have to say, I like here. The people are nice and aren’t too nosey.  There was always something to do and a park not too far from my house when I was younger that I went to a lot. Anyway, after some intense counseling that obviously didn’t help much, I did manage to get my life together and started a band with a group of friends I made in high school. Ashley Purdy, Christian Coma (CC), Jeremy Ferguson (Jinxx), Jacob Pitts (Jake Pitts) and I (Andy) formed a band called Black Veil Brides. We grew close pretty quick and trust each other with everything so it wasn’t long before I told them about my screwed up childhood with my mom.

With a heavy sigh, I got up from my bed and decided to start my day. I showered, got dressed, and headed out. It was too early to go to the studio, so I decided to just drive around. I turned on the radio and nearly started to cry again when I heard the song that was playing. “As I wrote this prayer for you, wishing I believe in something more…” Hearing this song took me way back to the start of my career. This particular song was inspired by my little brother and how much I missed him. I know they say it’s not acceptable for a “real man” let alone one my age to cry but let one have been in the same situation as me, they’d be doing the same thing. But music like that is in the past for me. My music, like myself, has changed over the years as I grew up. As I sat back and continued my moving drive, the current song that was playing was interrupted by a special news broadcast. “This just in people of Cincinnati. A middle aged woman has been told to have escaped from a psychiatric facility in Buffalo, New York a week ago. I repeat: A middle aged woman has escaped a psychiatric facility in Buffalo, New York. For those of you watching on your television sets, here is a picture of her. Authorities are asking if anyone has any information on her escape to please contact them by calling this toll free number 8-8-8-7-5-2-2-5-0-0. This woman is considered very dangerous and must be found at once.” I quickly turned the station to something else and finding nothing I turned off the radio all together. After the messed up morning I had with my dream and then the song, the last thing I needed was to listen to some news report on some escaped psycho person. That was the final straw. I checked the clock on the dashboard and saw that it was nearly time to go to work which was great. I needed the distraction that only music provided. So with that thought in mind, I drove to the nearest gas station and filled up my tank before heading towards the recording studio.  Pulling up to the front of the building, I sat out in my car and looked up at it. The stone structure was several feet tall and nearly just as wide. Every time I came here it felt like the first time. The nervous excitement building inside the pit of my stomach, knowing that I was going to create something that expressed me as well as my friends and that it was something an army of people could relate to. With a small smile on my lips, I turned off my car and got out only to have that smile wiped off my face as the recording studio blew up before me.

I was close enough to the blast that the force of it made me stumble back into the car and there was a slight ringing in my ears. Only after it died down some did I hear it; screaming. There were people inside the building. Looking up, I saw that it was only the top levels which had been blown up. There were still people in the lower levels trying to escape for their lives while those who were on the top during the explosion were now in bits on the ground. The sight of it was too horrible to look at. Soon fire trucks, police, ambulances, even the coroner had to come down and handle the situation. They offered to take me to the hospital but I refused. The only trauma I received was watching, mostly everyone I knew going up in flames or falling to their death to avoid that fate. As I drove away in stunned silence, all I thought about was who would want to take out a record company so badly and why?

Wanting to wash away this day and possibly talk to my ex-girlfriend Juliet, hoping her soothing voice could comfort me; I head home, and pull into the driveway. Getting out, I head into the house and go in through the side door.” Dad, I’m home “. I put my keys on the hook just as he tells me to come into the living room. Figuring he probably found out what happened at the studio and wanted to talk, I shrugged my shoulder which I found to be sore but didn’t think anything of it and walked in.  When I did, not only did I see my dad but the rest of friends too. In all that chaos, I hadn’t realized that I hadn’t seen any of my band mates taken from the rubble or the part of the building that remained intact but continued to burn. It was good to see them all alive and well here at my house.  “Andy….it’s your mom….” It was Ashley who spoke; I looked at him, not understanding what he meant. “What about her?” “Haven’t you been listening to the news, man? She’s the crazy psycho that escaped.”  I shook my head, unable to accept his words as truth. “She couldn’t have been the one. Dad said that they locked her up in a maximum security institution and she had no hope of escaping.” I looked over helplessly at my father, begging him with my eyes to deny their words. To my dismay however, he didn’t. “It’s true son. She’s here in Cincinnati and she knows exactly who you are.”

I stood there stunned just as I began to hear maniacal laughter outside our home followed by a chanting of my band’s songs and titles. It sounded like we were at a stadium and was surrounded by tons of fans shouting out their favorite songs. I started to smile as the sound of it took me to my happiest place on earth. In the distance I heard something that sounded like screaming and singing, but I felt it was all part of the show. Fans always scream and sing along at our concerts, this was nothing different. At least, it wasn’t at first but the screaming grew too loud, too unbearable and I had to cover my ears for a second. And that was when I was brought back to reality. Looking around the room, I saw something that if you would have seen to believe. The front of my house was gone and before me were two armies. Leading one was my mom. She was dressed for war and was shouting at the other army “ALL YOUR HATE! ALL YOUR HATE!” while looking directly at me. Her army looked as delusional as she was. The other army stood around me and what was left of my house almost as if they were protecting us. They stood tall and showed no fear. As I looked at them I saw that they had war paint on them the same we did as we took stage. It was then I knew who they were. Our army had somehow heard a silent call of need and answered. It was in that moment that I knew I could take on my mother and avenge my brother. The BVB Army had given what I needed and now the fight was on…