The eyes are watching,
Always watching,
Consuming me whole.
I am rendered helpless,
Defenseless.
I struggle to find
A place void of the outside.
My mind…
No one is safe.
Take heed of my warnings.
These creatures lurk
Amongst the living
Consuming…
The eyes are watching.
Trust only yourself
Or be lost to oblivion.
Shake free
From the alluring trance.
Open your eyes…
The eyes are watching
Always watching.
Take a step back.
Conspiracy everywhere.
Fear not,
The real men do what is right.
Change is at hand,
Victory will bring peace.
All is lost
If a madman be decreed.
No one shall hear my plea,
I have been labeled.
Weight bears down on me…
Trapped but not destroyed.
The eyes are watching…
And I watch back.
Wet eyes shall bring no respite
For the false ones feel no shame.
They act unbeknownst,
Strangling our humanity.
The eyes are continually watching,
Yet hope is attainable.
Look to the children…
Save the children.
I really liked how you took on a poetry aspect for this piece, it was a really cool way to update the original story! It had a very dramatic and intense feel to it which kept me wanting to keep reading. The only thing I would improve is to make the poem a little clearer so that it is easier to follow. However I know you were coming from the perspective of the ramblings of a madman, so I do like that it stays true to your title. Great piece!
ReplyDeleteI agree about the poetic idea you had, another unique idea that added that extra depth to the story. I liked that this was an abstract form of a concrete story.
ReplyDeleteEvery word is important in a poem, Karolyn, and I think that is true here. I like the stanza: "I struggle to find/A place void of the outside./My mind…/No one is safe." I wonder, though, if you can somehow make it clearer that that unsafe place is the mind?? I also wonder about the word "decreed" -- is it the right word? Otherwise, I do like the perspective a lot.
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